…… Lets see how my journey goes from then (2008)
Come on,, sweetheart. What’s wrong? I promise you everything will be fine.
… I.. We need to stop doing this.
Come, darling, I’m here, what’s the worry? Besides, it isn’t the first time we are doing it anyway.
I…
Then… the process persist the way he expects, perhaps how I expect too (no matter how I remotely quality them as pleasure).
We truly have a deranged middle ground. But it has always being that way, thud of susceptibility bumping in, becoming palpable and brutal, crazily dipping my propensity to withhold some more. And all I ever did to help myself out of it was succumbing; not taking counsel to what the aftermath may deny me.
His undoubtedly sexiness, toned butt and flawlessly arched lips, what’s short? This good male specimen, perfect mould for good sex, good physique gratification, one shouldn’t ask for more, really.
That’s just the issue here. Our sexual life begins from a competing of attention, a tussle that’s unconditional yet contemplate incongruous set of scales. Is life that way, choices and consequences?
The world is full of people who try their luck once the opportunity seeks in. I’m one of which who ask for more when time allows me, not to mention things I’ve never had, also things I’ve had but let off. I’ve gathered all my life for the bravado to make myself better, sometimes it backfire, sometimes it doesn’t. I feel bitter when I lower my expectations to realise people wouldn’t lower their prejudice, creeping in is me pounding the pavement resentfully for I’ve walked there in that spur of a moment. That then is never the same again.
2009 for me was relatively well. Something pleased to know. It could have being worst. Being fairly stupid and always a prat for being sceptical has put me on a distance lift escalating me away from whom it could have turned out well. Of course, I wouldn’t deny my ego trait as a critical role. However, this also has to mean that it was better, much better than the year before. (No more throbbing heart) Perhaps, I’ve learnt. Finally. That is for the adolescent part of me who behind the closed doors hope for something more.
At last, I entered college in late April, University College of Dublin, when my life took a turn. I started to dream of the little girl in her graduation robe in awe. I started to dream of the little girl who earns a bit more than an average graduate could and return back to her mother, whom, in her opinion was the best one could ever have. I started to dream of the nineteen year old girl sitting at the edge of life, hoping she never had entered college to put that burden on her shoulders. I started to dream of that perfect opportunity and the appealing output waiting for her to receive at the end of every month. And she promise, to visit Ireland one day when she make her honors proud.
2010 now, of course, like everyone else, I will make my New Year resolution that I’ve never really pledge to keep mostly (who keeps to it anyway).
Keep my temper in check. Don’t carry my expectations far but concentrate. Time management skills to be hone. Embrace more ‘me’ time. Work harder. Fully utilize my film cameras!! (That’s all for now)
29 December 2008 to December 2009, I’ve suffered for my wrong, I’ve done penance. I know God have the rest plan out for me, I’m …. excited to unearth them one by one. (Thank you God for never permitting me leave sight, never leaving me in the lurch, never giving me a diminish hope)
Lastly, to pull in a nice closing, Ralph Waldo Emerson says, Evermore in this world is this marvellous balance of beauty and disgust, magnificence and rats. I cannot agree more, maybe this is what they call life, in the middle of all these imperfection, we make things perfect…
And so, this it is the begin of the new decade. I’m ready, bring it on.